I have to say how disappointed I was that I lost this entire post. But…on with it now.
So I left off with the dr saying that my pancreas and Gaul bladder were ok, my liver enzymes were a bit high, and my white blood count was also a bit high. But for the most part, I was ok. I had to stay in the hospital overnight for observation and to make sure that my contractions would stop.
We talked to family, all of them asking if they needed to come, but me and the hubs saying that we didn’t really feel like there was any need. We really didn’t want to bug anybody. As far as we knew, I was ok, the babes were ok and we were just waiting.
We didn’t tell any friends either (I even disabled my Facebook wall) because we just didn’t want to cause a fuss over nothing…it’s really not our style. We had made new years plan with our good friends, so we did tell them, but told them not to come to the hospital. We didn’t want to ruin anyone’s night.
Lucky for us, they came anyway…and brought our favorite Mexican food. It was so nice to have good friends in the room making us laugh. It wasn’t until then that I realized how serious we had been all day. The hubs and I had had a hard time laughing with each other. We hadn’t panicked, but laughing seemed a it out of the question. The visit really put us in a good mood for the rest of the evening.
After our friends left, the hubs went home one last time to see our fur-babies one last time and get whatever he needed to spend the night in the hospital. Before he left, he put on ‘The American President’, one of my favorite movies. There really is nothing like putting on a movie you know by heart and snoozing in one of the most uncomfortable beds you’ve ever laid on.
So I napped and the hubs came back and by this point, we’d been up since 4am, in the hospital, and thought a lot of things might go wrong…needless to say, we were both super exhausted.
We eventually turned off the tv and attempted to sleep. I would say that considering I hade to pee every hour or so (and to do this, I had to call the nurse to get her to unhook all of the chords that were attached to me, use the bathroom, and then call her again to hook everything back up), the babies and I kept moving and fidgeting so the nurse had to repeatedly readjust the monitors on my belly, and don’t forget about the routine checkings of my vitals, sleeping actually went pretty well…all things considered.
Until about 3:30. At 3:30, I had to pee, the nurse had to readjust all the monitors and the printer had run out of paper and got jammed so that had to be fixed as well. I was just awake at this point. I wasn’t really mad about it….just awake. The nurse left, and I was left with just me, the hubs, the babies, and my own devices.
This is when the moment of clarity came. At this point, I had a conversation with God, the universe and myself. It mostly had to do with the fact that I needed to let go of what I wanted or had expected pregnancy to be for me. I had wanted a simple, easy pregnancy…to be able to run and exercise and feel beautiful and glow. I had wanted to take the whole child-bearing thing one at a time. I had wanted no complications. I had wanted a natural birth.
I wanted pregnancy to be things that it couldn’t be for anyone. At that moment…all I wanted was for me and the babes to be healthy. If they had to be born via c-section…ok. If I had to be a bed-ridden invalid for the next 10 weeks…ok. I would do it. I had the most important things to me in that hospital room…my husband and my children. I would do anything i needed to do as long as those 3 three people were ok.
At this point, the boys have breech at every ultrasound. I have been doing exercises to get them to turn, but nothing had really helped. I now didn’t care at all…I just wanted them to be ok.
So I let go of all of it. I had a moment of clarity explaining to me what was actually important in life. It also showed me that I cannot control everything and that things are going to go the way they are going to go sometimes, no matter what you do to try to control them.
After having this moment, I felt more at ease. I almost felt a little happy. I wasn’t tired yet, so I started to read my book. Within a few minutes I had drifted off into a super deep sleep.
I was sleeping so deeply that when the nurse came in to give me medicine and adjust monitors and take vitals I was a bit hard to rouse. I had tried to be extra nice to the nurses (you catch more flies with honey than with sandpaper) but this time I was really not happy that she had woken me up. Eventually I cooperated with her and by this point I was awake, so now we were just waiting for the dr.
My dr finally came in at about 9:30. I had had labs retaken that morning, so she had already seen those results. My liver enzymes were on their way down, and all the rest of my labs were looking great. I hadn’t had any contractions in almost 24 hours, which was great news. She was going to keep me on a medication to keep contractions at bay. I will stay on this medication for another 4 weeks, or until I get to 35 weeks. Everything was looking great. My dr had a smile on her faced. After such a scary day on Friday, it was so nice to have some good news on Saturday,
The dr. wanted to check me one more time before I left to make sure I hadn’t dilated any further. After she had checked me the day before, I had asked the nurse if anyone had ever closed back up after being dilated. She said no, that usually doesn’t happen. So I was really hoping that I hadn’t dilated anymore, that’s the best we could hope for.
But…wouldn’t you know that when my dr checked me, not only had I closed to a ‘fingertip’, BUT twin A had turned. He was now head down! The hubs and i both burst into tears at this point. This was completely unexpected and icing on the cake. We just wanted clean bills of health for me and the boys, but this was above and beyond! I honestly couldn’t believe it.
From something so scary and uncertain came something so wonderful and reassuring. We’re going to be ok.
Now, it’s just time to keep these babes a’cooking until it’s really time for them to come out. As for when that is…well, we’re banking on the first week of February, but who knows. Everyday they stay in there, the better. I’d still be happy to go to 37 weeks if it meant even healthier boys.
Heather
