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feeling like a parent

15 Oct

Well folks…I have good news and bad news.

I’ll start with the bad.

The boys and I were in a wreck on Thursday morning. Before I get started…we’re ok.

I was driving to work and a man in a large truck fell asleep at the wheel while driving. He was going in the opposite direction I was. He crossed over the turning lane and then into my lane. He was basically coming straight for me. I swerved my car to try to get out of his way and he hit my car on the driver’s side. The damage went from midway of the driver’s door all the way to the back of my car. It spun me around so I was facing the opposite direction on the side of the road.

I was terrified…as you can imagine. So was he. He ran over to me and asked if I was ok. I said, “please call an ambulance, I am pregnant with twins.”

The ambulance was called.

I was taken to the hospital.

The mosquitos were terrible.

The EMT’s were super nice and careful with me. They all wanted to make sure I (and the babes) were ok.

We get to the hospital in a few minutes and they take me in (this is the first time I have EVER been a patient in a hospital. I was born in a birth center). The ER doctor is checking me out and asking me questions.

But the only thing I could think about was the boys. That’s all I wanted to know about. I didn’t want any x-rays. I didn’t want to continue to answer questions. I just wanted an ultrasound. The poor nurse in the ER had never used a doppler on twins…so she wasn’t sure if she was hearing the same twin over and over again or if she was hearing two babies.

For the first time…I really felt like a parent. When I look back at it, I realize that it was a little strange. But nothing felt strange about that feeling at that moment. I honestly didn’t care about myself. I knew I was ok enough. I wanted to know how my babies were. While I had a feeling they were ok. I wasn’t having any pain there. The air bags didn’t deploy in my car, so I didn’t have an impact in the front. But I wanted to see them. I wanted to see their skinny bums keep moving so the radiology tech couldn’t keep track of them.

I finally got to the ultrasound room. The radiology tech was very nice and quiet. At first, she didn’t let me see the screen. I understand that she probably rarely does baby ultrasounds. She was getting calls about all other types of body parts like appendixes and legs and arms. She was keeping the screen facing directly to her because I’m sure that’s what she’s used to doing. She probably wanted to make sure everything was ok before showing me. I was pretty calm throughout this entire process. I was trying to read her face to see if I could see any signs…good or bad. She was very good at her job and gave me no signs whatsoever.

So I just kept asking questions. And eventually, she turned the screen so I could see. And there they were. My children. All of a sudden they felt like mine. I’m tearing up just as I’m writing this. Because it’s true.

I knew I was having babies. I knew I was having twin boys. But, it wasn’t until I needed to see them that I knew that they were mine. And that I loved them. Funny how things happen. I know that feeling would have come eventually. But it wasn’t until I had the distinct NEED to see them that I understood, finally, how my own mother feels about me. It’s a nice feeling.

And here is poor Bonita.

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The super sad part about this is that we are literally writing the very last check to pay off Bonita. All of that money was going to go to day care…which we still need :). I’m not sure if I’m hoping that Bonita is totaled or that we can get her fixed. I do love her so and I will be sad to see her go if she has to.

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In the meantime…I get to drive a Nissan Rogue. Now, I’m not a fan of huge cars (Bonita is the biggest car I’ve owned to date. I’ve owned an ’86 honda accord, a geo storm, a cavalier, a 14 year old two-door acura integraand finally the matrix)…but I do like this one. The Rogue has a lot of room, but it’s not too big. So I will enjoy it for now. And I’ll enjoy being alive and being pregnant. There are so many things to be thankful for!

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the sun came out and dried up all the rain

1 Oct

well internet, if you live in north carolina or have been listening to the news recently, you will know that we in the eastern part of the state have been getting dumped on by the rain gods.

It has rained constantly since Sunday. I’m not kidding. It feels like it’s been raining FOOOOREEEEVEEEEEEEER! It looks like it’s almost done now, thanks goodness! There is a slight drizzle outside and it’s much chillier than it was yesterday, BUT, it looks like we might see the sun today or maybe tomorrow.

all the shops in town were so foggy. one of the only things i like about continuous rain.

I was that lady that wore crocs to work and then changed into my “work shoes”. It had to be done. It was disgusting outside (see below).

this is usually a parking lot

flooding on the side of the road on the island i live on.

most of the time, I can park right up against our condo like the element you see WAY in the background (all these were taken with my phone, so the quality is so-so really bad. But last night, I had to park WAY far a way. Ok not THAT far, but much farther than usual.

but instead, I had to park here.

bad image...i know

then i had to walk through all that water!

the whole time i was thinking, “pleaselettherebenosnakespleaselettherebenosnakespleaselettherebenosnakes”. The water came up over my knees. Thank goodness I dressed appropriately: crocs and a skirt.

i am looking down at my crocs now. you can barely see them!

Then, this morning, the water had reached all of our neighbors’ driveways as well.

but we started to see a bit of sunshine!

then, a large white ibis joined me. he was beautiful. just standing there eating. i think he’s a good sign, i hope so at least.

this all reminds me that mother nature is in charge. we can only bend to her will.

(the end of) summertime

21 Sep

A lot of people have been talking and writing and posting about fall. And most of them are happy about it.

Well…I can tell you that I am not. I love the summer. I love being hot. I love all the good things about summer…swimming in the ocean or a pool, popcicles, ice cream, sunshine, long days, waking up when the sun is already up, evening walks, weddings, baby animals, relaxed schedules, family, vacation, 4th of July, Memorial Day, Labor Day… I could go on and on. I LOVE summer.

But now, the fog is rolling in.

on my way to work. I could barely tell where I was

Everyone I read/hear seems to be so excited about the cool weather. But for me, this signals winter. And let me tell you, I DON’T LIKE WINTER. Don’t get me wrong, I like it til about December. The holidays are nice. I love the Christmas Flotilla in our town and seeing family. And even until then, it’s not too cold. Cold enough for me, though.

It’s when it gets past December, it gets to the bitter cold, for me. I know I live in North Carolina, so it doesn’t get that cold here, especially at the coast. But let me tell you…it’s cold enough for me. By the time March rolls around, I’m so tired of the darkness and cold and being stuck inside for so long that I want to jump out of my skin.

The best part about winter is that I know in just a little while, spring will come and then back to my favorite season.

Today is the first day of fall and coincidentally, the first day that I left home and the sun wasn’t already up (sigh).

Beautiful? Yes. Exciting? Well, at least I get to see the sun rise for the entire winter. At least that what I’ll tell myself until March. 🙂

What I see on my way to work

30 Aug

As many of you know, I drive 2 hours everyday. One hour to work, one hour to home.

As you can imagine, I see a lot of funny/interesting/weird/thought provoking/scary things:

Here’s what I saw last week:

Because I drive so early, I do get to see the beginning of the day. It’s very quiet on the island, and if I look to the right at the right moment, I can see the ocean. This is not terrible.
This also makes the winter easier. I actually get to see the sun break the horizon and it is beautiful. More pictures of that to come when it’s winter and I’m in a terrible mood all the time.


marines

I have been a pacifist for my entire life, but for some reason, I keep on having to interact with the armed forces. About 90% of the work we do at the firm I work for is military work. So, I’ve had to interact with military and civilians in ways that I never thought I would. I have been able to put a face to the nameless faceless soldiers that I had all these preconceived notions about. I have been in barracks and super secret facilities and the Naval hospital. I have learned that marines are still people with hearts and hands like anyone else. Some of them are my friends. And because of where I live, I will see things like this periodically on the road. Now instead of seeing the tank, war and destruction….I see the people, and I wonder about their stories. Who knows what they’re doing today, but I hope they have a good, safe one.