The miracles of this

18 Apr

This post could be titled a bunch of things…

The miracles of pregnancy…hormones…sleep deprivation (as it is 4am right now)…child birth…having twins…I could go on.

But the title is what it is because I cannot pinpoint what exactly it is that makes it all miraculous.

Of course there are the two beings that used to be inside my body that are now two months old and have almost doubled their birth weights. That is a miracle. It’s also a miracle that I haven’t accidentally maimed them in some irrevocable way.

No…I’m talking about all this other stuff that happens when one bears child(ren). These particular things may not happen to all parents, but I do believe there is a host of feelings and ‘things’ experienced by new parents that can only be explained as miracles.

Miracle 1 – I no longer have to take allergy medicine. I have been on some form of Zyrtec my entire life almost. I couldn’t breath out of my nose for my first 11 years. And, there are 2 certain fur friends of mine that I’m badly allergic to. I had to take said allergy medicine during pregnancy, but since I’ve given birth, I have been perfectly fine in the house (and it’s not like it’s been super clean, right? Who has time for that?).

Miracle 2 – judgie wudgie was a bear
Yes. I stole that from sex and the city.
Before I gave birth…I was a judger. “Why doesn’t everyone breast feed? It’s free and the best thing for baby and mom! Of course it is the best option. She must not have tried hard enough.”

“Of course cloth diapering is the best option! It’s cheaper than disposable diapers, children potty train earlier, and it’s better for the environment. Why would anyone use disposable diapers?”

“How could anyone feel anything but love for their new borns? I mean…newborns are just the most beautiful, fantastic, scrumptious beings in the world!”

Unfortunately, even though I tried super duper hard…breast feeding just didn’t work for us. The guys were early and had latch issues, which lead to too much weight loss and low blood sugar and super low body temps (the reason for the 8 day stay in the hospital). We had to feed them with bottles to make sure they were getting enough. By the time their actual due date rolled around I tried hard to breastfeed, but I couldn’t make it work. I was so unhappy because all I was doing was nursing them, then supplementing with a bottle, then getting them down so I could pump. I didn’t actually get to spend any time with them. It was the hardest thing to let go of. It took me a while. But we’re all a happier family for it.

Cloth diapering…I could go into a lot of detail why we’re not going to do this. But here’s the short of it…we had to switch daycares and the new one won’t do cloth diapers. We do at least 2 loads of laundry every day. There’s something to be said for being able to just throw away the super poopy diapers…there just is.

It’s not that I stopped loving my children. I love them from a place that I didn’t know existed. At about 8 weeks, I was so sleep deprived that I was numb. I had no feelings about anything. I didn’t smile. I didn’t laugh. I was not a person, much less any resemblance of myself. Thankfully my mom came to stay a night so that the hubs and I could sleep the whole night through. That was fantastic. AND…I think we’re finally figuring out this whole new born thing. We have dealt with reflux and switching formula and I THINK we’ve made progress. I LEARVE my children. I would do anything for them. But…new borns are hard.

I’m not saying I’m never going to judge again…but I will say that I’ll think twice about it.

Miracle 3 – Four hours of sleep in a row feels like a lot. And can make one feel like a human being again. So can showering.

Miracle 4 – Patience and Forgiveness. I’m new at this. Therefor patience with myself and forgiving myself are two very important things. Not beating myself up for not knowing something has been key. As the hubs says, “As long as we get to the end of another day and we haven’t killed them…we’re doing ok!”

Miracle 5 – I have a whole new respect for stay at home moms with young children. Nuff said.

And….some two month pics (I know we’re almost to three months, but I had just hit the wall at two and so here we are)



3 Responses to “The miracles of this”

  1. Heather Eats Almond Butter April 18, 2012 at 2:54 pm #

    Judgie Wudgie over here too…until I tried everything under the sun to increase my milk supply and ended up using a SNS nursing system plus other “apparatuses” until I finally threw in the towel and stopped breastfeeding after 4 months and then pumped exclusively for another 2 months. We ended up supplementing with formula from the first week, and now I am so grateful for the stuff! Oh, and cloth diapers? Yeah, that didn’t work out either. We tried Bum Genius, and all I can say is I LOVE Pampers! You do the best you can, and in the end what matters most is if mama and baby are BOTH happy. Keep up the good work Heather. Sounds like you’re doing an amazing job! 🙂

    • Heather April 20, 2012 at 1:00 pm #

      Thanks! And, you too! I saw that you have stopped blogging…not a bad idea for the last few months of a twin pregnancy. You’ve also gotten your nursery together! You are a genius. I still haven’t “finished” the nursery. I’m slowly working on it bit by bit now. My boys have the same cribs your twins do! I love them. They are super sturdy and functional and appeal to my modern sensibility. Very smart of you to keep it simple in the nursery. I hope you can take it easy a bit and love on your little one. All I can say is rest as much as you can. Not because you won’t be getting any when the twins get here (you don’t need to hear that from me), but because you will be a happier mama well rested. Congratulations again on your twins! I wish you all the best!

  2. Ashley April 18, 2012 at 3:21 pm #

    Love your honesty, Heather. You are doing a remarkable job. Definitely have to keep doing what works best for you, the husband, + those cutie little boys! LOVED the photos!

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