feeling like a parent

15 Oct

Well folks…I have good news and bad news.

I’ll start with the bad.

The boys and I were in a wreck on Thursday morning. Before I get started…we’re ok.

I was driving to work and a man in a large truck fell asleep at the wheel while driving. He was going in the opposite direction I was. He crossed over the turning lane and then into my lane. He was basically coming straight for me. I swerved my car to try to get out of his way and he hit my car on the driver’s side. The damage went from midway of the driver’s door all the way to the back of my car. It spun me around so I was facing the opposite direction on the side of the road.

I was terrified…as you can imagine. So was he. He ran over to me and asked if I was ok. I said, “please call an ambulance, I am pregnant with twins.”

The ambulance was called.

I was taken to the hospital.

The mosquitos were terrible.

The EMT’s were super nice and careful with me. They all wanted to make sure I (and the babes) were ok.

We get to the hospital in a few minutes and they take me in (this is the first time I have EVER been a patient in a hospital. I was born in a birth center). The ER doctor is checking me out and asking me questions.

But the only thing I could think about was the boys. That’s all I wanted to know about. I didn’t want any x-rays. I didn’t want to continue to answer questions. I just wanted an ultrasound. The poor nurse in the ER had never used a doppler on twins…so she wasn’t sure if she was hearing the same twin over and over again or if she was hearing two babies.

For the first time…I really felt like a parent. When I look back at it, I realize that it was a little strange. But nothing felt strange about that feeling at that moment. I honestly didn’t care about myself. I knew I was ok enough. I wanted to know how my babies were. While I had a feeling they were ok. I wasn’t having any pain there. The air bags didn’t deploy in my car, so I didn’t have an impact in the front. But I wanted to see them. I wanted to see their skinny bums keep moving so the radiology tech couldn’t keep track of them.

I finally got to the ultrasound room. The radiology tech was very nice and quiet. At first, she didn’t let me see the screen. I understand that she probably rarely does baby ultrasounds. She was getting calls about all other types of body parts like appendixes and legs and arms. She was keeping the screen facing directly to her because I’m sure that’s what she’s used to doing. She probably wanted to make sure everything was ok before showing me. I was pretty calm throughout this entire process. I was trying to read her face to see if I could see any signs…good or bad. She was very good at her job and gave me no signs whatsoever.

So I just kept asking questions. And eventually, she turned the screen so I could see. And there they were. My children. All of a sudden they felt like mine. I’m tearing up just as I’m writing this. Because it’s true.

I knew I was having babies. I knew I was having twin boys. But, it wasn’t until I needed to see them that I knew that they were mine. And that I loved them. Funny how things happen. I know that feeling would have come eventually. But it wasn’t until I had the distinct NEED to see them that I understood, finally, how my own mother feels about me. It’s a nice feeling.

And here is poor Bonita.

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The super sad part about this is that we are literally writing the very last check to pay off Bonita. All of that money was going to go to day care…which we still need :). I’m not sure if I’m hoping that Bonita is totaled or that we can get her fixed. I do love her so and I will be sad to see her go if she has to.

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In the meantime…I get to drive a Nissan Rogue. Now, I’m not a fan of huge cars (Bonita is the biggest car I’ve owned to date. I’ve owned an ’86 honda accord, a geo storm, a cavalier, a 14 year old two-door acura integraand finally the matrix)…but I do like this one. The Rogue has a lot of room, but it’s not too big. So I will enjoy it for now. And I’ll enjoy being alive and being pregnant. There are so many things to be thankful for!

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4 Responses to “feeling like a parent”

  1. Tucker October 17, 2011 at 2:40 pm #

    Good grief! SO glad to hear that you and the boys are OK!! What a scary thing! Though, I’m glad you found an upside and were able to turn it into a way to feel closer to the boys. Sending lots of love!

  2. bein good to me October 17, 2011 at 4:51 pm #

    What an incredible post!! I am so glad to hear that you and the boys are doing well. This post had me tearing up as well, it was so powerful and so touching.
    Sending lots of positive thoughts to you three,
    Lisa

  3. Katie October 20, 2011 at 1:21 pm #

    I came across your blog from your guest post. I’m so glad you’re all okay!!

  4. Allie {teaspoon of LIFE} October 22, 2011 at 3:50 pm #

    This is way scary. I am so glad all of you are okay.
    I always wonder at what point that mommy thing clicks. Craziness.

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